Helping teens navigate jealousy and jealous peers can be tricky. Imagine this:
Your teen walks through the door in tears. You are stunned because today was supposed to be a great day.
It’s the first day of rehearsals for her new summer camp musical. She found out the night before that she had landed the lead role after several rounds of auditions. She was ecstatic, and you were relieved.
She had never attended this public school camp before because she goes to a private school and doesn’t know many of the students. Despite being somewhat shy, this was her dream, and she was willing to step outside her comfort zone – and friendship circle – to spend seven hours a day singing, dancing, and acting, all leading up to a week of performances that she had watched and admired in the past.
But instead of excitedly telling you about the first day of rehearsal, you hear this: “Everyone is mad that I got the lead. I overheard them talking about me. They said I ‘stole’ it from the girl they thought was going to get it. The girl who goes to that school and has always wanted to play this role. I guess she was crying last night when she found out, and now some of her friends are mad. They weren’t mean, but they weren’t nice either. I had been having lunch with them all week, but today they weren’t there, and another girl finally asked me to sit with them. Later, she told me that the other girls had gone outside to eat because the girl who thought she was going to get the lead was upset and didn’t want to sit with me. Maybe I should quit and just go back to my regular camp with my friends and let her have it.”
Jealousy. Disappointment. Entitlement. Oh my!
Being a teenager or tween and navigating who they are, their relationships, and their developing skills can be a challenging time. Jealousy can be a common emotion when witnessing their peers achieve success or recognition. Disappointment can occur when their peers attain something they wanted for themselves. Entitlement can amplify both of these emotions if your teen has not matured to the point of understanding that they are not inherently deserving of everything they want just because they deeply desire it or even worked extremely hard for it.
As a parent, how do you help your teen manage all of these intense emotions? It is crucial for your teen to learn the skills necessary to handle both their own jealousy and the jealousy of others in a healthy and constructive manner. Fostering emotional resilience is a key component in helping your teen develop a growth mindset and effectively navigate through jealousy.
Encourage Self-Awareness:
One of the first steps in helping your teen manage jealousy is to work on their own self-awareness. Encourage your teen to recognize and acknowledge their own strengths and weaknesses. This helps them develop not only a strong sense of self but also enables them to anticipate where they may experience feelings of jealousy or become a target of jealous feelings from their peers.
This type of self-reflection can help teens prepare in advance for potential intense emotions. It can also empower them to both celebrate their own accomplishments and minimize the impact of jealousy when comparing themselves to others.
Foster a Growth Mindset:
A growth mindset will benefit your teen in many ways. When it comes to jealousy, embracing the idea of learning and growing when faced with challenges can help mitigate those feelings. Emphasize to your teen that opportunities, skill development, and success can come in various forms if they approach goals with dedication and perseverance. By focusing on their personal growth rather than comparisons, your teen may shift their mindset to view their own achievements, as well as the achievements of others, as a source of inspiration.
Cultivate Empathy:
Empathy plays a crucial role in managing jealousy. Encourage your teen to put themselves in the shoes of their peers and understand their perspective. When a teen can empathize, they are better able to reduce feelings of resentment or jealousy and adopt a more supportive and understanding attitude toward their peers.
Develop Effective Communication Skills:
Teaching and modeling effective communication skills for your teen can help them express their emotions and concerns in a constructive manner. Encourage your teen to engage in open dialogue and active listening, enabling them to share their feelings of being the object of jealousy or feeling jealous towards others with trusted individuals. Suggest they share with people who can help them gain a sense of perspective and offer constructive guidance, such as you, their teachers, mentors, or other trusted adults.
Focus on Personal Goals and Growth:
Guide your teen towards setting realistic and meaningful personal goals. By directing their focus toward their own aspirations and progress, teens learn to channel their emotions in a positive direction. Encourage them to break down large goals into smaller, achievable milestones, fostering a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Doing this can help your teen stay motivated even in the face of disappointment and reduce the need for constant comparison with others.
Promote Gratitude, Appreciation and Mindfulness:
Teach your teen the importance of gratitude and appreciation for their own talents, accomplishments, and opportunities. Encourage them to keep a gratitude journal or engage in other mindfulness exercises, focusing on the positive aspects of their lives. Gratitude, appreciation and mindfulness can cultivate a sense of contentment and reduce the inclination towards envy and jealousy, ultimately lessening the impact of others’ jealousy.
Conclusion:
Feelings of jealousy and jealous peers are an expected part of your teen’s developmental journey. By helping your teen develop self-awareness, a growth mindset, empathy, communication skills, and a sense of gratitude, they will have the tools to manage these emotions in a constructive manner. These skills help build emotional resilience, empower them to celebrate their own accomplishments, support others, and ultimately set them on a path of continued personal growth and success.
