Motivating Teens Can Be Confusing
Have you ever found yourself confused when it comes to what to do when motivating your teen? Do they profess a love for a specific activity, yet at times, they don’t seem to be engaged or invested in engaging with the activity?
Motivating teens and tweens can, at times, be a confusing and challenging task. It may seem like what works one day does not work the next. They are navigating their identities, exploring independence, and learning to juggle demands from multiple sources, including school, peers, families, and their extracurricular activities of choice.
On top of this, we know that when it comes to extracurriculars or creative art of choice, we don’t want progression to become a power struggle. Power struggles will take the joy out of the experience – for both you and your teen. But we can also see when milestones are not being met, basic expectations are being glossed over or our teen is just simply not engaging in what needs to get done – even when they claim they care about the outcome.
With so much on their plate, to the point of sometimes feeling overscheduled, understanding what motivates your teen or tween to plan, take action, and follow through can be crucial for supporting them and their interests during this critical stage of development. But it needs to be accomplished from a place that supports their autonomy in meeting expectations – both for themselves and for others. And one that builds skills that they can internalize and apply across various situations.
By understanding your teen or tween’s learning style as well as whether they are internally or externally motivated to meet expectations, you may find that you are better able to create environments that help motivate your teen to take action to achieve their goals.
Gretchen Rubin’s “The Four Tendencies”
In her book “The Four Tendencies,” Gretchen Rubin presents a framework for understanding how we respond to expectations. Rubin addresses the question of how we meet inner and outer expectations. According to Rubin, people fall into one of four tendency categories: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Understanding these tendencies can provide valuable insights into the motivational patterns of your teen or tween.
Upholders:
Upholders readily meet both inner and outer expectations. They are self-disciplined and motivated by meeting deadlines and following rules. These individuals are often intrinsically driven and have a strong sense of responsibility.
When it comes to motivating a teen with Upholder tendencies, you can help by setting clear expectations, providing structure, and acknowledging their achievements. For instance, if a tween with an Upholder tendency has an art project to complete, parents can establish a timeline and check in regularly to ensure progress. Recognizing their efforts and praising their commitment will help maintain their motivation.
Questioners:
Questioners have a natural inclination to challenge expectations and seek justification. They are motivated by understanding the reasons behind tasks and rules. Teens with a Questioner tendency often resist authority if they perceive rules as arbitrary or meaningless. To motivate a teen Questioner, you will often need to provide logical explanations for the importance of tasks and involve them in decision-making processes.
Encouraging open discussions, sharing relevant information, and highlighting how completing tasks will help meet their goals can nurture their motivation. For example, if a Questioner teen is reluctant to practice an instrument consistently, you can explain how consistent shorter practice sessions will develop skills faster than inconsistent longer sessions.
Obligers:
Obligers readily meet outer expectations but often struggle to meet inner expectations. They are motivated by external accountability and may find it challenging to prioritize their own desires. Teenagers with an Obliger tendency may excel when given clear external expectations and deadlines. As a parent, you can help motivate an Obliger teen by providing external accountability structures, such as groups working towards the same goal, mentors, or instructors who will set clear limits and expectations.
By involving teens in environments that emphasize collaboration and shared responsibility, parents can support Obligers in completing tasks. For instance, parents can encourage their teen to join a dance team at their studio or an ensemble group at their vocal school.
Rebels:
Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations and prefer to act based on their own desires and interests. They value freedom and autonomy and may resist tasks they perceive as imposed or restrictive. Motivating a Rebel teen requires a different approach, focusing on their autonomy and allowing them to exercise their independence.
As a parent, you can encourage Rebels by offering choices and providing ample opportunities for self-expression within certain boundaries. For instance, if a Rebel teen needs to complete creating a short film for class, parents should encourage them to choose the topic that they are truly interested in while ensuring it aligns with the assignment’s objectives.
Gregorc’s Learning Styles Theory
In addition to understanding the tendencies that can influence motivation, understanding Gregorc’s Learning Styles theory can provide insights into how teenagers process and perceive information. According to Anthony Gregorc, we possess different learning styles, and understanding which learning style best fits a teen can help create an environment where motivation is more easily found.
Concrete Sequential:
Concrete Sequential learners prefer structured and organized approaches. They thrive in situations where tasks are clearly outlined, and step-by-step instructions are provided.
To motivate Concrete Sequential teens, parents can break down tasks into manageable chunks and provide a clear roadmap. Setting goals and offering rewards for completing each step can enhance their motivation. It’s essential to ensure that expectations and instructions are explicit to help them stay on track.
For example, ensuring a teen musician takes lessons from an instructor who writes down what was learned and what is assigned to learn for the next lesson and includes a clear larger goal for your teen to work towards.
Concrete Random:
Concrete Random learners are spontaneous and thrive in flexible and interactive environments. They enjoy hands-on experiences and value variety and immediate feedback.
To motivate Concrete Random teens, parents can incorporate interactive elements into tasks and provide opportunities for exploration and experimentation.
Concrete Random teens enjoy gamification of goals and may appreciate using technology, gamification, or group activities. Instructors can also offer immediate feedback and acknowledge their creative problem-solving skills.
Abstract Sequential:
Abstract Sequential learners prefer theoretical and structured approaches. They excel in tasks that involve analysis, planning, and organization.
To motivate Abstract Sequential teens, you can provide clear explanations of the purpose and relevance of tasks. You can also encourage them to create plans and engage in critical thinking exercises. Highlighting the connections between skill-building tasks and real-life goals can enhance their motivation and understanding.
Abstract Random:
Abstract Random learners enjoy learning through personal connections, emotions, and social interactions. They appreciate the freedom to do things when they feel inspired and to openly express their opinions and prefer cooperative learning environments.
To motivate Abstract Random teens, parents can look for learning environments that include opportunities for discussion, group work, and peer collaboration.
Acknowledging their unique perspectives and allowing them to connect emotionally with skill-building tasks will foster their engagement.
Motivating your teen can be a complex task, but understanding their tendencies and learning styles can provide valuable insights into nurturing motivation. Gretchen Rubin’s “The Four Tendencies” framework helps identify individual response patterns, while Gregorc’s Learning Styles theory sheds light on how teens process information. By applying appropriate strategies based on these insights, parents can effectively support their teens’ motivation to complete tasks. Whether it’s establishing clear expectations, providing autonomy, incorporating interactive approaches, or recognizing achievements, parents play a crucial role in nurturing and sustaining teen motivation during this critical stage of development
