The Waiting Can be Stressful
This time of year, when many teens are waiting for college acceptances in the arts, can be very stressful for you as a parent.
As stressful as this was “back in the day,” nowadays, we have instant access to information on when pre-screen, early acceptance, and regular decisions are granted. Between short-form video and social media groups, you may log in only to see messages like the following that only serve to deepen the stress and anxiety you and your teen are feeling:
Does anyone know if pre-screen decisions for [the school my teen desperately wants to attend] have been released?
Hoping for a happy holiday – has anyone heard from [the program my kid wants to attend]? It was supposed to be out by today, but in spite of refreshing every fifteen minutes, we’ve heard nothing. Please share regardless; we’d rather just know.
Offers are out – so excited my son’s hard work paid off!!!
If you are a parent whose child does not receive an early offer – or one at all, that last one – ouch. You know your teen has also worked hard and you feel the pain of feeling it might not lead to the outcome you and your teen were hoping for.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as your teen (and you) traverse the college acceptance gauntlet.
Keep Perspective
It’s hard not to get caught up in the process. It’s intense. It’s rigorous. It can take over you and your teens’ world as they try to create the “perfect” audition tape or portfolio.
Yet, the reality is, as much as they may have a certain school on their radar, remember that rarely does anyone feel that not getting into the school they wanted in high school has defined their life in an insurmountable negative way ten years out.
There are advantages to every program, whether your teen has that perspective yet or not. As a parent, remind them of this and help them to understand that the right match for them may not be the one that they believe it to be. Trust the process. Where they go will not matter nearly as much as what they do wherever they land.
Be Open to Options
There is more than one way for your teen to accomplish their goals. Just as there is not one college that will define their success or failure, college itself may not define their success – especially if they are a contemporary musician, musical theater hopeful, or an actor.
While there are some majors, such as classical music, that do have clear benefits from attending a traditional four-year program, college is not necessarily the “must-have” path in many other arts. If your teen does not receive an offer from a four-year program, consider other types of programs such as two-year degrees, certificate programs, or shorter, hands-on mastermind programs or groups that are focused on real-world skill development and opportunities.
Understand a No Does Not Equal “You Aren’t Good Enough”
Receiving a rejection letter can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s crucial for both you and your teen to remember that a rejection does not equate to a lack of talent or worth. The highly competitive nature of the arts admissions process means that even exceptionally talented individuals may face rejection simply due to the limited number of spots available.
In musical theater, for example, having ten out of fourteen admissions be a soprano with similar physical features will only serve as a disservice for the program. Thus decisions will have to be made to balance out each class. Encourage your teen to see a rejection as a redirection rather than a reflection of their abilities. Remind them that the journey is far from over, and many successful artists have faced setbacks early in their careers.
Don’t Get Caught Up in the Comparison or Competition Game
As the decisions begin to roll out, it can be tempting to compare who got in where and how many acceptances others have received. Yet, this comparison and competition game serves no one and only adds unnecessary stress.
Comparison and competition can also serve to distort your and your teens’ perception of success. Your teen’s worth is not determined by the number of acceptances or rejections they receive but by their passion, dedication, and commitment to their craft.
As a parent, try to model a positive mindset by avoiding unnecessary comparisons yourself. Avoid spending excess time on social media determining who was accepted where. Do not share information about acceptances or rejections for other applicants unless asked directly by your teen. By fostering a mindset that values individual progress over external benchmarks, you are equipping your teen with the resilience needed to navigate the twists and turns of their overall artistic journey.
Consider a Gap Year or Era
If your teen is grappling with disappointment over the choices available to them or if they did not get any offers, consider a gap year (or era). Taking time away from academics to work exclusively on their art can lead to breakthroughs that they may not have had the time to achieve previously. This time can also be a time of self-discovery and transformative insight.
When a gap year seems like the best course of action, use this time wisely to build experience and practical skills that are needed in their art. If possible, request feedback from highly desired programs and address these areas. Encourage your teen to gain practical experience they can add to their future application.
In situations where gap era seems more appropriate – develop a plan that includes a sustainable income plan which allows for time to make gains in their art. Ask your teen what their desired outcome is, and if they are not sure, locate resources where they can discuss this and develop a plan that works towards a goal.
A gap year can provide valuable insights and help your teen return to the college application process or career pursuit with a clearer sense of purpose and direction.
Explore a Career-Supportive Degree As an Option
While a traditional college education is a common route, it’s essential to consider other educational options that may better align with your teen’s career goals. They may be able to develop a very successful career in their art of choice without majoring in their art.
For example, a business degree that addresses entrepreneurial skills may be a great major for your teen. Combining this with a plan of execution to enter the workforce in their art while in school may be the most efficient use of time and resources. Time spent developing real-world practical skills, industry connections, and real-world experience may be a more direct pathway to a career in their art.
The combination of a plan tailored to your teens’ specific interests and goals and practical skills on managing their career as a solopreneur business could lead to your teen completing their degree as, or more, prepared than someone who has been in an arts program that may not allow for much flexibility.
Make Self-Care a Priority
Amidst the stress and uncertainties, don’t overlook the importance of self-care for both you and your teen. If you are experiencing extreme parental stress during this time, your teen is likely to pick up on this. This will only serve to deepen their own stress and anxiety. They may feel that if they are not successful in receiving an offer on top of their own disappointment, that they will also be a disappointment to you.
Since the college acceptance process can be emotionally taxing, it’s crucial to prioritize emotional well-being. Encourage open communication with your teen, allowing them to express their feelings and concerns. Even if you disagree with their stance, allow them space to experience and express their emotions.. Remind them that their value extends beyond academic achievements. Demonstrate engaging activities that bring you joy and relaxation and encourage them to do the same.
Conclusion
Waiting for college acceptances in the arts can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but it’s essential to maintain perspective, remain open to alternative paths, and prioritize self-care. Your support and guidance as a parent will play a pivotal role in helping your teen navigate this journey and emerge stronger, regardless of the outcomes. Remember, the right path for your teen may not be the one you and they initially envisioned, but with resilience and an open mind, they can forge a fulfilling and successful artistic career regardless of the outcome for college acceptances.
