For those who do not have a teen who loves a performing art, they may not realize that even though someone may love being on stage, they may also have to deal with performance anxiety. For parents, it may feel confusing, and you may not be sure how to help your teen manage performance anxiety.

 

In my book “Parenting Talent: The Grown-Up’s Guide to Understanding and Supporting Creatively Driven Teens and Tweens,” I tell the following story about one of my boys:

 

No matter how much I would tell others that he could barely eat before each opening night, his confident, engaging performances would belie the anxiety he had experienced. To ensure this was how he came across onstage, he worked at it, and later he repeated the same work as a musician. Like many who perform, once he was performing, he was fine, and, with music, he was having great fun.

 

My other son doesn’t feel as many nerves ahead of a performance, but he will talk about occasionally a cascade of anxiety that will wash over him – and cause him to shake – as he begins to perform.

 

Yet they both equally love performing. Being on stage is their happy place.

 

Performance Anxiety in Performing Artists

 

Managing performance anxiety is a normal part of many performers’ relationship with their art. If your teen is struggling with performance anxiety, reassure them that this is not unusual and is not a reflection of their love for performing. Performance anxiety transcends age and experience.

 

Physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, and nausea, as well as emotional indicators such as fear of failure, self-doubt, and avoidance behavior can all be a part of performance anxiety. Some teens will go into a shame cycle when they struggle to manage their performance anxiety which only serves to make the anxiety worse. Learning practical mind-body techniques that may be used in anticipation of or in the moment performance anxiety can be helpful for your teen to feel more control.

 

Practical Strategies for Teens to Manage Performance Anxiety

 

3-3-3

 

The 3-3-3 technique is a great one to use when anxiety hits unexpectedly. It’s unobtrusive, as it only requires internal dialogue. The first component of the 3-3-3 method involves identifying three things your teen can see. In moments of heightened anxiety, our minds often become overwhelmed with irrational thoughts and worries. By redirecting our attention to the present moment, we engage the senses and ground ourselves in reality.

 

This step encourages your teen to look around and consciously observe their surroundings. Whether it’s the color of a nearby object, the texture of a surface, or the play of light in the environment, these visual cues serve as anchors, pulling attention away from anxious thoughts.

 

The second aspect of the 3-3-3 method focuses on three things your teen can hear. Sound plays a crucial role in influencing our emotional state, and paying attention to auditory stimuli can help break the cycle of anxiety. By actively listening to the sounds in the environment, your performer can redirect their focus and create a mental space where anxious thoughts lose their grip.

 

This can be the sound of someone walking around, someone warming up, the hum of a soundboard, or distant conversations. Any individual part of the symphony of the present moment. Tuning in to these auditory cues grounds your teen in reality while also promoting a sense of connection to the external world, alleviating the isolating nature of anxiety.

 

The final component involves identifying three things your teen can touch. Our sense of touch is a powerful tool for reconnecting with the physical world. This step encourages performers to explore their immediate surroundings and engage with tactile sensations. Whether it’s the warmth of a spotlight, the smooth surface of a chair, or the texture of the hem of their shirt, these sensations serve as reminders of the tangible and real.

 

By focusing on the sense of touch, your teen can center themselves in the present, providing a tangible anchor that counters the intangible and often overwhelming nature of anxiety.

 

Havening

 

In addition to the 3-3-3 technique, another powerful method for managing performance anxiety is the Havening Technique. Havening involves a combination of therapeutic touch and visualization to disrupt the emotional response associated with anxious thoughts. The premise of Havening is rooted in the power of human touch and its ability to promote a sense of safety and comfort.

 

To guide your teen through the Havening process, encourage them to gently stroke their own arms, starting from the shoulders and moving down to the elbows. This self-soothing touch activates the delta waves in the brain, fostering a state of relaxation. Simultaneously, as they engage in this tactile practice, encourage them to visualize a safe and serene place, perhaps a favorite spot or a calming natural scene. By intertwining touch and visualization, the Havening Technique provides a holistic approach to breaking the cycle of performance anxiety.

 

Tapping

 

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping, is a widely recognized method for alleviating anxiety and stress. This technique involves tapping on specific acupressure points while focusing on the source of anxiety or a negative emotion. For your teen, integrating tapping into their pre-performance routine can serve as a valuable tool for emotional regulation.

 

There are many detailed explanations of how to tap online. Encourage your teen to find one and to practice tapping. A great way to practice is on something that is bothering them, but not so much that they have felt compelled to do something about it. For example, maybe they are feeling guilty about not practicing more often. They could tap on letting go of the feelings of guilt and accepting that they are doing well within the confines of their schedule.

 

Once your teen is comfortable with the practice of tapping, they can create scripts to help them calm their nervous system during moments of performance anxiety. Here is an example of a script they might use:

 

Setup Statement (Tap on the karate chop point while saying): “Even though I feel anxious about performing, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

 

Sequence of Tapping Points:

 

Eyebrow: “This anxiety about performing.” Side of the Eye: “I acknowledge these feelings.” 

Under the Eye: “I choose to release this anxiety.” 

Under the Nose: “I am in control of my emotions.” 

Chin: “I choose calmness and confidence.” 

Collarbone: “Releasing this tension now.” 

Underarm: “I am ready to perform with ease.” 

Top of the Head: “I am calm, confident, and in control.”

 

Encourage your teen to repeat this tapping sequence, adjusting the language to reflect their specific anxieties.

 

Meditation

 

Meditation can be a profound way to cultivate inner calmness and focus. Some teens (and adults) have a misperception that meditation requires a high skill set that takes time to learn. In reality, just about anyone can meditate.

 

A great way to start a meditation practice is to use guided meditation. A guided meditation allows your teen to focus on the words they are listening to as opposed to trying to “clear” their mind.

 

When using meditation for performance anxiety, I encourage teens to practice meditation at home in a quiet environment. This can be for a period of time as short as five to ten minutes per day as they are going to sleep. As they become more comfortable with the practice, I suggest they add more time. There are tons of free guided meditations of varying lengths available online.

 

Once your teen is comfortable with guided meditation, they can decide if they would like to try their hand at other types of meditation. The important thing is for them to see meditation as a tool they can access in advance of a performance – or in the moment.

 

If your teen finds meditation a helpful practice, they can utilize it before a performance both at home and if they can find a quiet space for a few minutes (like a car) they can also move through a short meditation to center their thoughts and emotions.

 

Here’s a structure I recommend to teens and other performers:

 

Find a comfortable position: Sit or lie down in a quiet space, ensuring your teen feels relaxed.

Focus on the breath: Inhale deeply through your nose, counting to four, then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat this several times, allowing the breath to anchor you in the present moment.

Body scan: Bring awareness to each part of your body, starting from the toes and moving up to the crown of the head. With each breath, imagine tension melting away, leaving only a sense of calmness.

Visualization: Picture their successful performance in vivid detail. See the stage, feel the positive energy from the audience, and visualize themselves performing with confidence.

(If you have a hard time visualizing things, instead think about the emotions you will have as your make your way through your performance with confidence starting with waiting backstage all the way to the final bow).

 

Affirmations: End your meditation with positive affirmations that resonate with you. For example, “I am prepared,” “I am skilled,” and “I am in control of my performance.”

 

Conclusion:

 

Performance anxiety can be experienced by just about anyone, and even seasoned performers may struggle with these feelings. By encouraging your teen to explore these techniques – 3-3-3, Havening, tapping, and meditation – they can build a personalized toolkit for managing performance anxiety and fostering a positive relationship with their art.

 

Practicing in advance of anxiety-producing performances can help make engaging in them a reflexive action. By understanding their unique needs, teens employing these strategies can feel empowered to manage their performance-related anxiety and feel more confident stepping on stage.