They poured years of sweat and tears into their passion, dedicating countless hours to practice, sacrificing events, and investing a significant amount of money. Yet, it wasn’t all sacrifice – laughter filled the long rehearsals, alongside the sting of disappointments and the thrill of unexpected triumphs.
The journey of a teen performer can be a roller coaster.
But when their passion lights up their eyes, we grab the safety bar alongside them, ready to share the exhilarating ride.
Senior year for performers who are applying to college can feel like the final uphill ascent. Painfully slow, clicking along, not sure what to expect over the crest.
So what happens when you reach the top – the last of the auditions are over and there’s….nothing?
No offers.
No waitlists.
No celebration.
No clear plan.
Deafening Silence
No matter how much our teens know there will be more rejections than acceptances, the process can feel brutal.
Checking email only to finally receive the dreaded politely worded “we regret to inform you…but best of luck!” rejection letter. So many teens get stuck in their heads – no matter how much they understand about the process, the slim odds, and are being told, “a no doesn’t mean you aren’t ‘good enough’” it’s hard to take it personally and question goals.
When there is no “We are happy to inform you” letter forthcoming, it can feel like a deafening silence.
An Array of Emotions
For your teen, this can lead to an array of emotions – ranging anywhere from sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, self-doubt and as one teen reflected “just a constant feeling of “I suck.’” Automatic negative thoughts like this can leave your teen feeling defeated and hopeless.
As a parent, you are likely managing your own emotions. From anxiety, confusion, frustration to deep emotional pain as you watch your teen’s disappointment. We wish our teens could see themselves through our eyes, where we know how truly special they are. We are also worried about what comes next.
Perspective Shifting
Yes, of course not receiving an offer can be a huge blow to our teens ego. It’s important to remember however, being in the performing arts, they have experience with managing rejection and ultimately shaking it off and moving forward.
After both of you have allowed yourselves to feel those initial negative emotions, there will be space to engage in perspective shifting. Although the shock may have shaken you both, your teen may surprise you in how quickly they can pivot and begin to map out a path forward. Shifting away from the initial assumed pathway and generating new options will help your teen move past the disappointment.
Looking at Options
Pay attention to how your teen reacts once they are past the initial hurt. Do they continue to talk about a career as a performer? Do they say they no longer want to major in the performing arts and instead want to pursue a different path? Perhaps they are confused, expressing no clear idea of what they want even after they have had time to think.
Regardless of what direction they are leaning towards, remind your teen that there are a multitude of great options available to them, and perhaps this is an opportunity to find a path they never considered. One that may prove to be an even better match for their long term goals.
Make a Plan
Helping your teen make a plan will help them feel more grounded as they shift directions. Take their lead on where they are at in terms of how small or large of a plan to begin with.
For example, if you teen is fully committed to a life in the performing arts you may present the options for them to explore:
- Take a gap year and get more experience and reapply
- Go to community college to get more experience and knock out some general education credits
- If they have academic offers and want to go to college immediately strategically accept an offer based on opportunities to audition for productions and/or in a location where they may have opportunities to audition for non-college based productions
- Accept an academic offer for a major that they also enjoy and may use for sustainable income if they choose to continue to pursue training and opportunities off-campus
- If they were offered a slot in an adjacent program – ie a Musical Theater hopeful who was offered a slot in the acting program or an actor who we offered a slot in the directing program, explore this option in depth. The caveat here is to remind your teen that an undergraduate degree is a huge commitment in both time and money, so only accept an offer in a different track if they feel true excitement for a career in this area.
If your teen is unsure and feels very lost, make a shorter term plan that allows them room to gain some perspective. This could include:
- Look for a job for the summer and plan to map out a longer plan in the fall
- Plan for a gap year, but consider summer the time to explore options and aim to have a plan in place in three months
- Collaborate with a career counselor or artistic mentor. Asking for honest professional feedback provides insights and options you and they may not have the perspective to see
Practical Action
Managing the disappointment when no offer comes in for your performer also requires remembering to engage in practical action to move forward. Some things for you and your young performer to keep in mind include:
- Self-care – Remind your teen to prioritize their well-being. This may include participating in activities that are a welcome distraction from things, seeking support from friends and family, and if your teen is feeling emotionally stuck in a negative place, consider consulting a therapist. All of these are true for you as a parent as well. Self-care is a cornerstone to resilience and recovery.
- Focus on Identity – When we are caught up in an outcome, we can sometimes lose perspective and see the outcome as defining our identity. Remind your teen that their identity as an individual and as a performer extends well beyond the college admissions process. Their worth and future success are not limited in any way by the outcome of the process, just as their success would not be guaranteed by admittance. As the line from The Lion King says, “Remember who you are.” Including reminding them how brave they have been to come this far.
- Networking and Community: Encourage your teen to build relationships and connections both inside and outside of the performing arts community. This goes for you as well as a parent. A broad network can lead to a broad array of insights and opportunities as well as support. If you teen decides to take a gap year or another route that does not involve immediate matriculation into school, this can be especially helpful in managing the transition when many of their peers leave the area.
Conclusion:
The college audition journey is a complex, transformative experience, and effectively navigating disappointment when no offer comes in for your performer can be challenging. Embracing the reality that success in the arts is an unpredictable path, one which will inevitably include moments of deep disappointment as well as incredible joy is part of ultimate success. When you as a parent can demonstrate managing your emotions, shifting perspective, exploring other options and making a plan, your teen will benefit. This type of resilience will lead your teen to emerge stronger from this experience.
