Raising a performing artist can be a dizzying roller coaster. Moments where all of the preparation comes together in one shining, exhilarating high. Interspersed with times when it feels like the crushing lows won’t stop. When your teen is drawn to its magnetism, you may find their heart and soul are filled by the experience. There may be little else they want to do. As a parent, you may find you need to provide information and skills your teen needs to ignore the naysayers and focus on skill building and enjoying the art they love. Navigating negativity and protecting passion in young artists is part of the parenting job when raising creatives.
Well-meaning but misguided whispers? Or outright hurtful criticism. Chances are your teen will be subjected to less-than-supportive interactions and comments at some point. Identifying these sources allows you to address them effectively before they harm your teen’s artistic spirit.
Recognizing the Negativity
Dismissive Comments
“That’s a nice hobby, but what about a real career?” Dismissive comments can crush self-esteem and motivation. Teens are at a crucial stage in life where they’re actively forming their identities and exploring their potential. Dreams are a key part of this process, and when met with dismissal, it can feel like their passions and aspirations are being invalidated, undermining confidence.
Financial Doubts
“Acting won’t pay the bills. Get a practical degree.” Invalidating the possibility of your teen’s ability to support themselves will foster doubt and uncertainty. They may start questioning their judgment, abilities, and the feasibility of their dreams. This can lead to confusion, uncertainty, and difficulty navigating their future decisions. The individuals spreading this type of doubt are not in tune with the vibrant arts community that has found ways to do what they love while also making money as a creative.
Talent Critiques
“She’s talented, but not Broadway material.” Comments about “talent” fail to address the reality of skill building and growth over time. Following dreams often involves taking risks and venturing outside comfort zones to develop skills. Comments that imply that growth and learning will not be of consequence can keep your teen from taking the steps necessary to continue moving towards their goals.
Comparative Barbs
“Your cousin’s the real musician in the family.” Some people will feel a need to provide unsolicited comparisons between your teen and another artist. This can leave your teen feeling inadequate and discouraged. Leading your teen questioning their abilities and losing confidence can be a result of these comments. It may shift your teen’s focus from enjoying music and personal growth to achieving recognition or meeting external expectations. Harsh comparisons can lead to internalized criticism and automatic negative thoughts that impede self-esteem.
Understanding the Why
Understanding the source of negativity empowers you to manage it. While some negativity stems from concern, a majority stems from misinformation, lack of understanding, or personal anxieties.
Fear of the Unknown
Some people may project their own career or financial anxieties onto your child. For others, who prefer to have a clear roadmap for all decisions, the lack of specific steps can cause fear for your teen. People who are uncomfortable with the roller coaster ride life in the arts may assume others would not enjoy it as well. And thus offer cautionary tales of the potential pitfalls.
Unfamiliarity With the Arts
A lack of exposure to or appreciation for the performing arts can breed skepticism. For those whose only familiarity with the arts is that of “famous” individuals, they have no knowledge that the vast majority of artists do not fall into that category. They also have no knowledge of the tremendous auxiliary benefits that participating in the arts provides.
Projection of Disappointment
There are adults who enjoy and appreciate the arts but never have anything nice to say about teens pursuing the arts. This may be a projection of their own disappointment that they were not supported and validated in their love for performing. These adults are often parroting back the undermining comments given to them at a young age under the guise of “protecting” teens from disappointment.
Scarcity Mindset
When other parents of performing artists or the artists themselves feel a need to spread negativity about other performers, they are often coming from a scarcity mindset. Fear that if your teen gets the part it leaves no room for their own chance to shine leads to negative comments. Parents and teens with a scarcity mindset might constantly feel in competition with others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. To dispel these emotions, they try to tear others down and engage in other forms of unhealthy competition.
Comparison Trap
Some parents of performers and performers themselves get caught up in comparing their performance or progress to your teen. When performers are caught in the comparison trap, it can lead to envy towards anyone who seems to be meeting with success, leading to unhealthy and strained relationships. When relationships are strained, negative commentary often follows.
Personal Biases
Unconscious biases toward certain careers or lifestyles can influence others’ perspectives. If someone does not see the arts as a valuable part of society, they are likely to see young artists as wasting time in their participation in art. They may see art as a hobby that distracts from weighty issues and problems society is facing. For others, they may simply not understand art for the sake of art itself. This can lead to disparaging comments aimed towards your teen and other performing artists such as “don’t you want to do more with your life than just be a musician?”
Handling the Naysayers
With this understanding of the “why,” you can tailor your response and counter the negativity with informed empathy and a protective boundary.
Open Communication
Your teen may not always think to let you know when negative comments are being made in their presence. Let your teen know that unfortunately, this may be part of life in the arts. As well as other areas in their life, and that you want to know if this is happening to them. Creating a safe place for them to reflect and share on the interactions they have within their artistic experience is important. Encouraging them to voice any anxieties or concerns they may be having as a result of these comments creates open communication. Talking to them about how and why it really has nothing to do with them fosters resilience.
Knowledge is Power
Be sure your teen is equipped with information about the performing arts. Provide a clear understanding of career paths, training, financial realities, the emotional and physical benefits of the arts. This will help your teen formulate an educated response. This response may be no response, simply holding the knowledge that the commenter is coming from an uninformed perspective. But when they do feel compelled to speak up, having facts to counter inaccurate claims is empowering, even when the other person may not be responsive to this information or viewpoint.
Seek Positive Connections
Surround your teen with positive mentors, teachers, and peers who share their passion. A supportive network can provide encouragement and combat isolation. They may also speak up when negative comments are made or heard, and create a sense of community among those who “get it.” This is also important for you as a parent. Create connections with those who support your teen’s journey. Distance yourself from any parents of fellow performers who do not approach others with a supportive abundance mindset.
Set Boundaries
Encourage your teen to politely but actively redirect conversations that feel negative to them. As a parent, let others know you are fully in support of your teen and will not engage in conversations that are not constructive and positive. Empower your teen to walk away if they are uncomfortable or feel undermined. Let them know it’s fine to tell someone “I don’t want to discuss that” or “We will have to agree to disagree as I am not interested in debating this.”
Focus on Your Teen’s Strengths
When appropriate, as a parent, share examples of their skill growth, dedication, and resilience. Let their achievements speak for themselves. Discuss skills they have learned that will serve them in all aspects of life, including public speaking, working in teams, time management, teaching, flexibility, and learning new skills quickly.
Be a Positive Example
Show your teen how to handle negativity with composure and grace. When you are able to mentally put negative comments in the minimal context they deserve, your teen will see this as a viable and healthy approach. Let your teen know you place little value on those who do not support them. Teach them the difference between requested constructive criticism and hurtful comments designed to tear them down.
Conclusion
Raising a teen performing artist is a marathon, not a sprint. Your unwavering support is part of the foundation upon which their dreams can take flight. Encourage them to focus on their own journey, celebrating their progress and reveling in the joy of artistic expression.
Remember, the goal is navigating negativity and protecting your teen’s passion as a young artist. There will always be those who don’t support, appreciate, or uplift your teen. By supporting the skills they need to ignore the naysayers and focus on skill building and the reasons they love their art, you are giving them tools to become unstoppable.
