Somewhere at the beginning of his junior year, our son, a musician, let us know he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to college right away.
The fact that I didn’t become immediately alarmed is a testament to how much my perspective had changed from my experience as a therapist, as a wife of someone who did not grow up in a “college or perish” community and as a mother who had watched what brought my kids joy and what brought them stress – and understanding the benefits of a gap year.
Not Quite Ready for Decisions About College
As a therapist, I had seen many of my teen clients tell me the same thing as sophomores, juniors and seniors. They were clear – they either didn’t feel ready, didn’t enjoy school and wanted a break or were clear college or traditional education was not the path for them.
Yet the vast majority felt tremendous pressure, from themselves, from their parents and from our community at large, to go through the motions of applying and matriculating into a four year school.
Off they’d go off in fall, some feeling unsure, some feeling unhappy, some feeling resigned. They’d come back for a check in over the holidays and while some said it was going better than they’d expected, others were deeply unhappy.
The latter group was often back home and back in my office by second semester of freshman year – or did not return for their sophomore year.
Knowing them as clients, I’d see that some of these young adults simply needed a little bit more time and space to make some decisions that felt aligned with who they were and what they wanted. Had they felt safe to take a gap year, or maybe a gap era, and then head off, they would have been far more likely to figure out what made the most sense for them in terms of majors, size of school, locations and various other factors that can make a college experience go from ok to an amazing chapter of life.
Or they would have gained clarity – and a plan – to gain the skills to support themselves in other ways – without feeling as though they had failed, or disappointed those around them.
Instead they were sitting in front of me feeling a bit lost, frustrated, a little scared and often also relieved. So we’d begin the work of making sure their self-esteem was intact and figuring out – what now?
As parents, we can’t help but to be concerned about our children’s future. All we want is whatever is best for them. When faced with a teen who wants to take a gap year instead of heading straight to college, our first instinct may be to reflexively say “no” and immediately begin researching colleges for our kid. The fear that they will be limiting their future can be overwhelming, raise countless questions and possibly feel as scary as all heck.
But if you can take a step back and consider the possible benefits that a gap year can provide for your teens’ personal and potential career development, it may be easier – and less terrifying – to hear what they are saying and support their decision.
What is a Gap Year?
A gap year can mean many things. In the most traditional sense it is a year of learning or travel the year after high school designed to expand a students professional, personal or practical experiences and knowledge. This often means applying to and deferring entry for a year to engage in a planned activity. If this is what you or your teen feels is best, there are many different options. The Gap Year Association is a great starting place.
For teens who truly do not like school and found it a stressful experience, it can be a school “detox” year of working and trying on other avenues of gaining skills to support themselves.
For others it may mean some exploring how college can look and feel very different than high school and exploring what programs may be a better match – all while enjoying a break and gaining distance and perspective. After a year away from the structure they did not like in high-school they may be ready to begin education in a program that better fits their learning style at a pace that feels good to them.
It can mean immediately working – gaining experience in a job that they are considering for a career. Or trying out several jobs as they explore what career may be a good fit for their goals.
It can include travel, internships, volunteer work, non-traditional educational opportunities, online classes focused on a specific skill, and learning entrepreneurial skills. If your teen wasn’t able to do a deep dive into their art due to other commitments during high-school, a gap year is a great time to engage in an organized passion project in their art.
And you, as the parent, can set limits and boundaries around what you want and expect if your teen is going to be living at home or needing your financial support for some or all of this time now that they are a young adult..
Here are some benefits to taking a gap year.
Self-Discovery
A gap year provides an invaluable opportunity for young adults to explore their passions, interests, and strengths outside the confines of traditional education. By stepping away from the academic routine, your teen can have the time and space to delve into various activities, engage in new experiences, and truly discover what truly drives them.
Personal Growth
A gap year can foster personal growth and independence. It allows your teen to navigate real-world challenges, make decisions for themselves, and learn from the consequences. The responsibilities and experiences they may encounter during this year can help them mature and develop valuable life skills, such as time management, budgeting, problem-solving, and adaptability.
Broadened Perspective
Through travel or engaging in volunteer work, a gap year offers the chance to explore different cultures, meet diverse people, and gain a broader worldview. These experiences can cultivate empathy, open-mindedness, and cultural competence, which are becoming increasingly valuable skills.
Career Exploration
Many young adults enter college uncertain about their future career paths. Taking a gap year can lessen this pressure by allowing them to explore various industries, internships, or apprenticeships. The exposure to different work environments can help them identify their true vocational interests and make more informed decisions about their future education and career choices.
Enhanced Academic Performance
Contrary to popular belief, taking a gap can even enhance academic achievement. A well-planned gap year can reignite your teens enthusiasm for learning and provide them with a fresh perspective. If they eventually decide to pursue higher education they will be doing so on their own terms. Thus your teen is more likely to do so feeling more focused, motivated, and appreciative of the opportunities that school will bring.
Building Resilience
Though your teen may not go into it understanding this, the gap year experience often involves overcoming challenges. It may require stepping outside of their comfort zone, adapting to new environments and many instances of problem solving. These experiences can foster resilience, reinforcing the importance of perseverance, thinking outside the box, and bouncing back from setbacks. These skills will benefit your teen in any path they choose to pursue.
Clarifying Goals
The transitional phase between high school and college can be overwhelming for many young adults. Taking a gap year allows teens the chance to step back from the educational system and gain clarity about their long-term goals. This time to reflect on their interests, values, and aspirations on their own terms can assist in developing a more focused and meaningful approach to their future.
So while I had some concerns about my son’s choice – worrying about our kids is what we do – I realized a gap year, or gap era made sense for him. We decided to engage in embracing the unknown and support his decision. Empowering him to take ownership of his own life path and leaning into the life lessons he is learning as he finds his way.
