“Is your adolescent interested in or committed to their creative art?” This is a question I often find myself having to ask.
Parent: “We spent 2k on the specialized summer camp our daughter insisted was key to her success and happiness, only to have her return home and quit when school started!”
Tweens and teens who barely practice. Or want to skip rehearsals. Or ask for a bunch of gear, but never seem to use it consistently… it can be maddening.
Yet when a parent says, “If you don’t want to do this, then quit – we don’t want to waste money” their tween or teen comes back a with a bewildered “but I don’t want to quit.”
There are many reasons that could be driving this, but one is the difference between interest and commitment.
Adolescent Interest
Interest is something you are curious about. You want to explore for a bit, see how it feels. When it’s feeling good it may get quite a bit of attention. When it does not, then you may find yourself distracted by other things. Your peer group may be driving your attention.
Interest in an activity is often expressed by doing just enough to get by – but nothing extra. If your interested teen’s instructor told them practice for twenty minutes at least five times during the week, that is the most you may see. If you bring it up they will often quickly point out that is what the instructor said was required.
Adolescent Commitment
Commitment is when you are all in – you will prioritize and sacrifice other activities to create time for the activity. When it feels good – it feels great. When it does not feel good, you regroup and figure out how to keep going.
Committing to something means you are willing to give it the extra mile. Your teens instructor may have suggested practicing for a minimum of twenty minutes five time a week. Yet you are finding they are putting in more time. Sometimes for sheer enjoyment, sometimes because they want to build skills as quickly and accurately as they can.
Being interested in something is not only ok, but a very good thing for your tween and teen. They can’t be deeply committed to all of the things on their plate or they would be exhausted. As a parent, we should encourage our tweens and teens to continue to explore, dabble and experiment in new areas. Letting them enjoy an activity even if their level is firmly in the realm of interest without pressure to move to commitment.
Your job is to have a conversation. Don’t make assumptions about how much time and money they want you to put behind making this a priority just because they seem outwardly excited or reticent. Ask them. Are they saying or you are sensing that they are not sure if they are committed? You should shift your approach to appropriately support where they are at.
Determining the Difference
In other words, don’t go out and buy the best easel out there the minute your tween or teen says they want to try a painting class. But if they ask for an easel, consider purchasing an entry level one to show your support of their new interest. If they start to ask for a better easel, ask some direct questions to help you. Then, gauge if this is an interest or is moving towards a commitment.
Questions to Help
Determining if your adolescent is interested in or committed to their creative art? Some questions to consider or explore with your tween or teen:
- Are they happy (or at least not upset) to give up a fun outing if there is an event such as a recital, exhibition, or one time training connected to their art happening at the same time?
- If they don’t have an outcome they are hoping for in their art as quickly as they would like, are they open to putting in extra work to get there or do they think they’d prefer to move onto something else?
- If their friends give up the art would they be tempted give it up at that time as well?
- Is their art something they see themselves still doing in one year? Three years? Until the end of high-school?
After you have a good sense of where your tween or teen is falling on the interest versus commitment spectrum, adjust your expectations accordingly.
The parent quoted at the beginning? Well, their teen didn’t lie. Several of her close friends were going to the art camp. They all talked about how much better everyone would be after the art camp. So from her perspective it was central to her success and happiness for the summer.
When summer ended, her interest waned because she was never committed. Once several of her friends chose other activities, she was ready to do so as well.
