Sometimes it can be challenging to determine if your teens reluctance to perform in public fear of shining or performance anxiety. Understanding the difference can help you support your child in overcoming their reluctance to share their talents on stage
Fear of Shining
Fear of shining can come from many sources – but for adolescents it is often coming from peer pressure – real or imagined. Teens are in a developmental phase where the approval of their peers typically outweighs that of their parents or other adults.
As teens seek to establish their own identity and place in the world, being accepted and valued by their peers helps them feel they belong. As they work to figure out who they are, where they fit in, what are their own unique beliefs and values, the validation of acceptance of their peers is an elevated concern.
At this same time, they are in the process of learning to navigate social interactions including how to be part of a group, how to form close relationships and how to communicate effectively. The feedback from their peers influences their experiences and actions. If their peer group offers a message of a limited range of perceived acceptable standards or expectations for validation, acceptance and fitting in, they may push back on engaging in activities outside of those norms.
Teens may feel pressure to present a curated and cultivated version of themselves within these norms to avoid standing out. Standing out can cause feelings of vulnerability, insecurity or inadequacy. They may also fear being seen as a “show-off” who is seeking attention.
Some ways to encourage your teen to feel comfortable sharing their talents include:
- Find a safe place to shine. Finding a safe for your teen to perform without fear of peer driven judgment such as an open mic or community theater in a different town can help decrease fear of shining.
- Build confidence and self-esteem. By addressing confidence and self esteem both related to and unrelated to your teens’ art can carry over into feeling good in sharing their talents in public. Encourage your teen to seek independent enjoyable experiences where they are not concerned with how others see them.
- Recognizing and challenging negative peer relationships. Help your teen to take a step back and determine if the people who would offer a negative assessment or lack of support of their performance are people they experience as an asset in their life on a personal level
- Talk to your teen. Talking to your teen about what is driving their fear of sharing their talents in public can help them process and challenge any negative self-talk or assumptions about what it would mean to share their art in public
- Gradual Exposure. Encourage your teen to begin with performances in front of trusted peers such as those involved in the same art. As they become comfortable performing in front of peers who value and appreciate the same activity, gradually work into performing for a more diverse peer audience.
Stage Fright
This type of fear is different from fear of shining. Stage fright, also known as performance anxiety, is a fear of performing in front of others which triggers a physiological anxiety response. This may vary from butterflies in the stomach to full-blown panic attacks.
Symptoms of stage fried can include rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, dry mouth, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may experience feelings of nausea or dizziness as well. These symptoms can be so severe that they can interfere with a teens ability to perform effectively.
There can be many causes of stage fright including an underlying anxiety disorder, previous negative experiences, lack of experience or preparation performing or a fear of failure or embarrassment.
A teen may be experiencing one or both of these when they refuse to perform in public. These may also overlap when a fear of shining is driving an anxiety response that interferes with the ability to perform.
Some ways to decrease stage fright include:
- Practice and preparation. One of the best ways to assist with managing stage fright is to feel well prepared
- Deep breathing exercises. Breathing exercises can help calm the bdy and reduce symptoms of anxiety
- Positive visualization. Encourage your teen to visualize themselves on stage, succeeding and performing well and the feeling they will have afterwards.
- Learn relaxation techniques. There are many relaxations techniques that can be effective to reduce anxiety including progressive muscle relaxation, yoga and meditation
- Rehearse in front of a trusted audience. Rehearsing in front of family, friends or mentors who will support your teen unconditionally can decrease anxiety when having to perform in front of others.
As a parent, understanding the difference between fear of shining and performance anxiety can aid in finding the right support for you teen, helping them to overcome the reluctance to perform in public and shine onstage
