Managing parental stress when your teen is a creative can be challenging. We want to make sure they are doing all they can to succeed, and whether they are on top of it all or dropping (or ignoring) the ball, it’s hard not to want to jump and let them know what they are doing right…and wrong in the pursuit of their art of choice.
Parenting teens is a complex and often demanding job. It’s natural for you to worry about your teen’s well being and success. The concern comes in if there are moments – or long stretches – where your own stress begins to have repercussions for your teen. If you find yourself nagging, complaining, yelling or lamenting to your teen about what you perceive as deficits in their approach to getting things done, it can have a negative impact on your teen, as well as your relationship.
The Power of Parental Stress
While some degree of parental stress at times may be necessary, excessive parental stress can be detrimental. This stress can manifest in various ways. If your teen is in a performing or creative art, it may manifest as worry about how frequently they practice. Or if they are meeting all of the benchmarks for a submission.
Maybe you are concerned about how effective their attempts at building a portfolio or demo tape are progressing. You may be worried about their peer relationships and whether their peers are validating them – or tearing them down. Maybe you are fearful failure, and the emotional or practical fallout that may cause. The potential for moments of stress and worry can at times feel endless. Our worry can lead to overinvolvement and lack of trust in our teens’ abilities to manage their progress – and potential future – with their creative endeavors.
Impact on Teenagers
Reduced Self-Esteem
When we consistently express our stress about our teen’s performance, it can erode their self-esteem. Teens may internalize the message that they are not good enough and that their parents’ love and approval are contingent on their achievements. This can lead to a constant need for validation and perfectionism, which can be emotionally taxing.
Reduced Autonomy
Successful teenage development requires opportunities to make choices and decisions on their own. This fosters their autonomy and self-confidence. However, if we as parents are overwhelmed by stress and fear, we tend to exert more control over our teens’ lives, resulting in a lack of autonomy. Our teens may feel smothered and restricted, hindering their growth into independent individuals.
Impaired Self-Sufficiency
Overprotective parenting driven by stress can stifle a teenager’s ability to become self-sufficient. They lose the chance to practice the essential skills necessary to grow in their art. Their problem-solving abilities, sense of personal responsibility are critical for successfully transitioning into managing their art (and lives) as an adult . The lack of this can lead to a delayed transition into independent skill building, decision-making, planning and impaired self-sufficiency.
Emotional Distress
Teens can experience high levels of stress and emotional distress when they constantly perceive their parents as anxious or disappointed. For some teens, they see our emotions and mirror them back. Others may experience our distress as pressure and feel a need to meet our expectations rather than their own internal ones. This emotional burden can lead to issues such as stress, sadness and a lack of self-worth.
Strategies to Manage Parental stress
If you find yourself experiencing a great deal of stress and stress related to your teens and their art, it’s important to step back and manage it so that it does not have a negative impact on your teen Here are a few steps to help dial back your stress and approach your teen in a more effective and positive manner.
Self-Reflection
Acknowledging our stress and its impact on our teens is the first step. Sometimes our stress shows up in different masks such as anger or detachment. Take time for self-reflection to identify if you are feeling anxious and how that comes across to your teen. Work to identify the sources of your stress. Could it be driven by your own unrealistic expectations, societal pressure to excel, fear of your teen failing in some manner, or a negative past experience? Understanding the root of your stress is crucial to addressing it.
Open Communication
Engage in open and honest communication with your teen. Let them know that you are aware of your stress and its potential effects on them. This does not mean saying they are the cause of your stress and implying if they would comply with your expectations you would feel better. This is about owning the emotions and lessening the burden on them. Being open and honest can alleviate some of the emotional burden your teen may be carrying and open up conversation in both directions about how things are going.
Encourage your teen share how they feel about things and how they experince your stress. Listen openly and don’t take it personally. Communicating with your teen in this way will help them manage their own stress juggling many emotions.
Seek Support
It’s essential to reach out for support when dealing with parental stress. Talking to friends or family who can relate can help your stress from spilling over onto your teen. If your stress level is negatively impacting you, your teen, or your relationship with your teen, consult with a mental health professional. Counseling or therapy can provide valuable coping strategies to manage your stress effectively as well as determine if your stress has turned into some form of anxiety disorder.
Set Realistic Expectations
It may be time to reevaluate your expectations for your teen. Truly approaching your teen as unique and having their own strengths and weaknesses is important. Instead of pushing for something close to perfection, emphasize personal growth and effort. If there are goals they have set for themselves, but are not meeting, allow them space to figure things out for themselves. If this could mean failing to meet that goal, have a conversation about how they will manage that if it occurs. Encourage a healthy art-life balance and the pursuit of additional hobbies and interests outside of or related to, but a different focus on, their art.
Foster Autonomy
Allow your teenager to make age-appropriate decisions and experience the consequences of their choices. Encourage them to take on increasing responsibilities, both in their art and in other areas, gradually increasing their autonomy. Provide guidance and support without micromanaging. By starting this process when they are young, they will be better able to manage larger, more complex goal by their late teen years. This takes the need to stress as much out of the equation for both of you.
Identify and Implement Coping Skills
Determine what works for you when you find yourself feeling parental stress to discharge this emotion. If you find yourself fretting because completing pre-screens doesn’t seem to be as high on your teens priority list as you think it should be, what works to shift your focus? Exercise? Meditation? Talking with an understanding friend? A therapy session? A warm bath? A distracting activity. Deep breathing? Your own creative outlet? Make a list of three or four things that you can do when you find yourself becoming consumed with stress. By prioritizing self-awareness and self-care you will shore up your own well-being. The better you are coping, the more well equipped you will be to support your teen in the healthiest and most affirming way possible.
Conclusion
Managing parental stress is an important step in a healthy relationship with your creative teen. Parental stress is a common and understandable emotion, but when left unmanaged, it can negatively impact teenagers in various ways. Low self-esteem, reduced autonomy, and limited self-sufficiency are just a few of the potential consequences. However, parents have the power to address their stress and implement strategies to support their teenagers in healthier ways. Open communication, self-reflection, and seeking support are essential steps in managing parental stress. By doing so, parents can promote their teens’ well-being, self-esteem, autonomy, and self-sufficiency, ultimately preparing them for a successful and fulfilling future.
