When the Effort in Practice Doesn’t Show Up in the Performance 

It’s frustrating and sometimes embarrassing for your teen – making mistakes on stage. When the effort they put in in practice doesn’t show up in the performance it can cause great stress and anxiety. This is especially frustrating if it’s a pattern. When your teen puts in the work, practicing and rehearsing consistently, mastering the material, developing skills with their instructor – all of the things they should do before a performance –  it can feel confusing and deflating when they stumble when it’s show time. 

 

Helping your teen may feel a bit unclear – if they are putting in the work – what else can be done. It helps to understand some of the potential factors contributing to the disconnect. Once you and your teen have a better handle on what unconscious factors may be at play, you can begin to address them and formulate solutions. 

 

Here are a few things that may be contributing to this pattern.

 

What’s Getting in the Way

 

Mindset Blocks

Mindset refers to your teens intelligence, learning and ability to learn new skills. If your teen has a  fixed mindset –  the belief that their skills, abilities, and intellect are rigid this could be keeping them locked in a belief. They may be telling themselves  that no matter how much they rehearse, they will “choke” on stage. 

 

When a teen is locked into this type of thinking, it can undermine all of the preparation they have put in and mastery that they have achieved. They are waiting to make even the smallest of error, and when it occurs, they focus on this as evidence that they “can’t” do well in a performance situation

 

Lack of Skills to Manage Mindset Blocks

Learning to move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is a skill. A teen with a growth mindset believes you can influence or mold outcomes through perseverance, drive and thoughtful effort. If your teen struggles with a fixed mindset, learning to flip this into a growth mindset approach takes time and guidance. 

 

It’s important to develop this skill, as teens without it may find themselves feeling stuck. They may fear the growth or success of others out of fear that they cannot make the same improvements on their own skill set. They may eventually give up for fear of looking inadequate. 

 

Fear of Failure

Intertwined with a fixed mindset can be a fear of failure. Failure itself is not a bad thing. But if your teen lives in fear of failure, it can hinder progress. They may create excuses to stop working on skill development or learning how to perform at the same level they are capable of demonstrating during practice. 

 

Fear of failure may lead your teen to miss opportunities to learn tools to help them on stage. It may also be an expression of perfectionism, which may lead them to have unrealistic expectations of the process of overcoming challenges. They may hide behind perfectionism to avoid feelings of shame regarding their performance missteps.  

 

Limiting Beliefs

If your teen struggles with self-limiting belief – the thoughts, opinions or convictions of artificial thresholds holding them back – they may find themselves struggling to break past a poor performance. 

 

An example of a limiting belief that may need to be challenged for your teen may be that they feel undeserving of great success. If I teen believes they do not deserve success, they may practice and perform beautifully when there is no one to witness their skills. But when placed onstage with an audience, the limiting belief may kick in and unconsciously undermine how they present to others. 

 

Fear of Letting Others Down

When your teen gets up on stage, they may be putting a lot of pressure on themselves not to let others down. This very pressure can cause them to get into their head and shift away from allowing their brain and body to do what they have trained to do and instead start second guessing their talent and skills. 

 

Some of this can be from a form of perfectionism. Socially prescribed perfectionism is the perception that others demand perfection from us. Whether it’s other performers, the audience and, yes even their parents, teens may have this sense of obligation to perform to an unrealistic standard in their head. 

 

As with all types of perfectionism, a little, adaptive, motivating perfection can be a great motivator. It can propel your teen to practice when they might otherwise be lackadaisical about it, or to work to address small mistakes instead of glossing over them. But too much perfectionism can become maladaptive, causing unrealistic expectations that become stumbling blocks to your teens best efforts. 

 

How to Help

 

If any of these seem to resonate with your teen, the good news is, there are things you can do to help them start shifting this dynamic. 

 

Here are some tips on how parents can support their teens in overcoming these challenges and have performance time become an opportunity to shine.

Encourage a growth mindset: 

Talk to your teen about the concept of a growth mindset, emphasizing that skills can improve with effort and practice. Give examples from your own life of how used a growth mindset to overcome moments of disappointment

Praise effort, not just talent: 

Instead of saying, “You’re so talented,” say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that.” Focusing on hard work and skill development puts them in control of progress.

Teach resilience: 

Help your teen develop resilience by encouraging them to face challenges and setbacks head-on. This means getting back up on stage even if they’ve had one, or several, not as successful as they’d like performances. Encourage them to see each challenge and a learning opportunity and help them break down what happened, and what they can try differently next time. Then have them practice the new plan. Share examples of your own or other individuals who faced setbacks and failures but persevered.

Set realistic expectations: 

Remind your teen that improvement takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. If their goals for the stage are leading to stress and anxiety, encourage them to break that goal into smaller milestones and focus on each individual step. 

Normalize failure:  

Everyone encounters failures, and these setbacks are valuable learning experiences. Give your teen examples of failures you have experienced and what you learned from them. Let them know it is part of life that can ultimately set them up for larger success when they embrace the lessons in the process.

Encourage risk-taking:

Applaud your teen’s willingness to step out of their comfort zone, even if it leads to less than desired outcomes. Remind them the phrase “nothing ventured nothing gained” is instantly understood by most because everyone has had times they had to step out on hope and optimism while trying something new. If they struggle to engage in risk taking in their art, you can encourage them to take risks in areas they are not as invested in. Learning to try new things in other areas can help them become more comfortable doing so in their art. 

Provide a supportive environment: 

Just because you know you are always available to listen and support your teen doesn’t mean they don’t need an additional reminder. Let your teen know they can confide in you about their fears and failures without judgment. Then follow through – even if you disagree, be willing to hold and honor how they feel in the moment and only circle back with a counter-perspective at a later date when they seem receptive to feedback.

Celebrate successes: 

Recognize and celebrate even minor accomplishments consistently. Even if they consider an outcome a failure, find the places where they embraced a growth mindset, took a risk, or demonstrated resilience. This will help them learn to recognize and acknowledge progress even if it falls short of their ultimate goal.

Encourage self-compassion:

Remind your teen the importance of being kind to themselves. If you find they are beating themselves up, ask them what they would say to a good friend who made the same mistakes. Rarely will teens show the same harsh criticism to someone else as they show themselves. Ask them if they truly believe what they would say to their friend as being true and then ask them to use the same thoughtful kindness and supportive self-compassion when engaging in self-talk.  

 

Conclusion

 

Understanding that performance struggles in creative arts can stem from various factors. As a parent doing your best to provide a supportive and nurturing environment will help your teen develop a growth mindset, face challenges, and ultimately thrive on stage. With guidance and support, they can lay the foundation of emotional and mental resilience needed to overcome these obstacles and truly shine in their creative endeavors.