You’ve been to all of the recitals, shows, showcases, and workshops. If your teen said “it will help,” you said “I’ll make it happen.” Being all in – your teen’s biggest fan in the audience – every time has brought you joy as a parent. Beaming with pride every time someone has come up to you to say, “Your teen is so good! They clearly love what they do!”
Until they don’t.
For some parents, the day their teen first says, “I don’t want to do this anymore” can come as a shock. Their teen’s behavior hasn’t changed; they seemed invested, and there was no reason to think they weren’t happy.
For other parents, they may have had a sneaking suspicion something might be going on. Their teen hasn’t had the same enthusiasm each time they have to do something related to their art. Or maybe it’s a sigh every time they have to leave an activity to go to a rehearsal or lesson.
So after all of this time, money, and energy invested, what is going on? Here are a few reasons a teen may decide quitting the performing arts is on the horizon.
Changing Interests and Passions
Teens are in a period of deep self-discovery. When they were young, many of their interests were based on the opportunities we presented to them. They may have a “favorite,” but this may be the favorite of the options they had to choose from.
When they transition into middle school and high school, they may find an entire new world of options. It’s natural for interests and passions to undergo significant shifts. What once ignited a spark in them may no longer hold the same allure. It’s essential for parents to recognize that the journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and interests will naturally evolve. Supporting teens when they choose to explore different activities helps them discover their true passions and talents.
Academic Demands
As students progress through high school, the academic demands intensify. Balancing rigorous coursework with the demands of practice, rehearsals, and performances can become overwhelming. Some teens may find it challenging to find the balance, and depending on their goals, they may choose to prioritize academic commitments over extracurricular activities.
Many teens express having periods of stress and anxiety related managing the demands of school. For those who are looking to pursue an undergraduate degree, shifting focus to academics may feel a more effective use of their time. Especially if they find that their current experience in the arts is also a source of stress and anxiety.
Social Pressures and Changing Friendships
High school is a dynamic environment where friendships and social circles play a crucial role in a teen’s life. It is normal for old friendships to shift or dissolve and for new relationships to play a larger role in their social lives. If your teen begins to feel disconnected from their performing arts peers or develops new friendships in different circles, they might be drawn to explore activities aligned with their evolving social dynamics.
Burnout
If your teen has been engaged in their particular performing art since early elementary school and the stress has increased over time, they may be hitting a point of burnout. This can be especially true if they went through a period of intense involvement during elementary school. The time commitment typically increases as kids age, and for some, the sacrifice may no longer be worth it.
New demands with romantic relationships, changing social groups, longer and later days can all feed into feelings of burnout. The amount of stress teens report in general has increased over the years. A need to decrease the pressure can lead to seeing the performing arts as being unnecessarily demanding on limited time and emotional resources.
Changing Expectations
For some teens, during their younger years, the expectations around their skill development or performance may have been less intense. As they mature, the bar becomes higher. They may not enjoy the more intense or competitive environment. What once may have felt like a fun hobby may move into something different. The pure joy they once enjoyed may no longer be part of their experience.
Well-Being
Unfortunately, sometimes teens feel a need to move on because an activity they once loved and felt safe in has become less emotionally safe. Perhaps auditions that never bothered them in the past are now causing anxiety. Or the people involved have changed, and they are no longer a welcoming, kind community.
Some of the things parents should consider asking are: Is something happening that is negatively impacting their self-esteem or self-worth? Has the environment become toxic in some manner? Are there any physical concerns that they may not have mentioned in the past?
Unexpected Circumstances
For some teens, the decision to move on comes from unexpected circumstances. Perhaps their mentor has retired and they do not feel a connection to the person who has replaced them. Maybe their studio merged with another studio and it no longer feels the same. Or class or rehearsal schedules change and they had to quickly decide which of two conflicting activities to continue attending. While you as a parent may feel they should choose the performing art, they may feel strongly that if they must choose, they prefer to move a different direction.
Conclusion
Letting go of an activity that has taken up so much time, so many resources, and so much energy can be a big change for all involved. Many parents do not realize that much of their parenting identity, relationships, or activities may have become part of their teen’s involvement in the arts.
If this is the case, it may take a little time to adjust to the reality that your teen is quitting the performing arts. Change is, however, inevitable in life. Let your teen know that if this is truly what they desire, you support them in their choice. This is the best thing you can do for your teen to validate their need to spread their wings and make choices that continue to allow for new avenues of inspiration, creativity, and self-discovery.
