Performing arts can be a thrilling and demanding world, as well as one that can pull for the illusion of control when the ride feels out of your control. The intense emotions and dedication that come with auditions, competitions, and performances can have both parents and teens focused on the most minute details related to these opportunities.
Feeling the Pressure
For many teens, the performing arts are not just a hobby. It’s a passion that requires immense dedication, time, and effort. As parents, we understand the importance of our teens’ dreams and aspirations. We share in their excitement and nervousness as they prepare to present their skills. When our teens are feeling the pressure of potential scholarships, recognition, and potential career opportunities, we want to do everything we can to support them.
Living with Uncertainty
One of the inherent aspects of participating in performing arts is uncertainty surrounding the outcome of auditions, competitions, and performances. It often feels the judges’ – or audiences’ – subjective opinions can be swayed by many different factors. Wardrobe malfunctions, unexpected mishaps such as sheet music being out of order, or just having a bad day can greatly influence the end product – and thus the resulting evaluation. The lack of absolute control over these variables creates anxiety for both parents and teens.
The Illusion of Control
In the face of uncertainty, we humans tend to seek control as a means of reducing anxiety. However, in the performing arts, the actual control you can exert over the outcome is limited. This is where the illusion of control comes into play. Parents and teens alike find comfort in focusing on minute details, often unrelated to the actual performance, as a way of feeling more in control of the situation. This can mean spending hours obsessing about minor differences between two nearly identical headshots, weighing attire choices for weeks, or questioning if a binder color might impact how one is viewed by others. Factors that ultimately will have little or no impact on whether an audition is granted, how well the performance is executed, and whether or not the people in the room connect with the performance.
The Parent’s Perspective
From a parent’s standpoint, the desire to support and help our teens succeed can sometimes lead us down a path of hyper-focusing on trivial details. Whether it’s questioning a choice of music that was picked with an expert’s input, debating if your teen should wait before a radical dye job, or staying up at night worried if your teen will be better off wearing their contacts instead of their glasses, it’s hard not to worry. Parents may find themselves getting involved in deep concern with aspects that, in reality, have minimal impact on the outcome.
Teenagers and Perfectionism
Teens are navigating a period of self-discovery and identity formation. The pressure to excel can exacerbate tendencies towards perfectionism. For some, this will present as focusing on minute details. This allows them to channel their energy into something tangible, even if it’s not directly related to their performance on stage.
Balancing Passion and Perspective
While the illusion of control may provide a temporary sense of comfort, it’s essential for both parents and teens to strike a balance between passion and perspective. Recognizing that not every detail can or should be meticulously controlled is crucial for maintaining a healthy approach to the performing arts.
Too much focus on things that aren’t paramount to the actual performance can ironically create obstacles to success. If you are overstepping bounds to ask questions that are not relevant, it can make you – and by extension your teen – look bad. If your teen walks into a performance in the perfect color sweater but isn’t as memorized as they could be, this will matter far more than how they appear.
Acknowledging the illusion of control and its underlying psychological mechanisms can be a powerful step toward building resilience.
Focusing on the Fundamentals
Remind your teen, rather than fixating on superficial details, redirect attention to the fundamentals of skill development where success is found. Emphasizing technique, expression, and the joy of performing can shift the focus from external factors to the core of the art form.
Mental Health and Coping Strategies
A critical step to moving past focusing on irrelevant details is to prioritize mental health and learn effective coping strategies. Engaging in mindfulness, stress management techniques, and positive self-talk can contribute to a more balanced and resilient mindset for both you and your teen.
Embracing the Journey
Engaging in the performing arts is a journey filled with highs and lows, victories, and setbacks. Remember to embrace the journey, rather than fixating on the destination. This will allow for a healthier perspective. Set realistic goals and celebrate personal growth to foster a positive mindset along the way.
Conclusion
In the performing arts world, the illusion of control may offer a temporary sense of security, but true growth and success come from embracing the unpredictability of the journey. As parents, part of our role is to support and guide our teens through our actions. When we lean into a balanced approach and acknowledge the pull to focus on the things we can control, we give them permission to address and adjust their own behaviors. This creates a relationship with their art that is full of resilience, passion, and a healthy perspective.
