I was recently asked, for the purposes of organizing a group into a schedule, to answer a simple question about my personal energy. The question was essentially asking, what time of day are you at your best?
It thought nothing of it and quickly checked off the “mornings” option and went about my day. It was not something I needed to think about. I’ve been a morning person since I can remember. My mom was a morning person and I remember with great fondness waking up to find her sitting on our enclosed front porch gently swaying on our glider reading a book.
Knowing she would be using the quiet time before the house woke to read, I would grab my own book and quietly make my way down the stairs and slip in next to her and read as well.
My proclivity for being in my best energy in the morning served me well in elementary school. I would see some of my peers yawning for the first few hour hours of the day, but for me, who had happily wound down and made my way towards bed to read after dinner, I had gotten plenty of rest.
In high school this also served me in the academic realm. With school beginning at 8:10a and any before school activities requiring arrival by 7a, my preference to head to bed as soon as I had completed my homework kept me from limping into Friday only fueled by the excitement of weekend plans to propel me through the day.
I was rested and able to manage those Friday tests without yawning.
The problem came in during those weekend plans my friends were holding on to to keep them going during those early morning activities.
I enjoyed going out, hanging with my friends, laughter, jokes, and – yes – teen drama. But I also had to push myself not to give into my natural tendency to wind down with the sunset.
As many of my peers were feeling energized – naturally ramping up as evening approached, I was the one fighting the yawns they had experienced twelve hours earlier. I would feel a sense of relief as midnight approached – curfew for almost all of us, and I knew I no longer had to be “on” to act alert, to use all of my energy to keep up with the banter.
I could go to bed.
In college I was usually the one who snuck out of the party an hour after we arrived. I’d have more fun, and be less exhausted, while we were preparing to leave, chatting, putting on make-up, picking out clothes. By the time we were heading out at eleven, my natural introverted morning person self would have been happier returning to my dorm and going to bed.
But to fit in I pushed, went out, and spent the majority of the time calculating in my head how early was too early to bail?
In my early twenties, during grad school, I realized I felt tremendous pressure to not be a morning person. If we all stayed overnight somewhere, I felt out of place tip-toeing around the space in the morning as my friends slept until ten, eleven, noon.
During all of this time, I continued to be a morning person. Even if I wanted to sleep in, I simply could not. So I learned to cherish this time when I was most alert, most focused and most calm in my body. If I had work to do, I would knock it out easily – in the morning, I can get into flow easily and make my way through things that I may not enjoy, but are needed.
My friends know I am the one who will quietly ghost the party at 11p. When I travel with friends, they are aware that I prefer my own room, not only because I’m a (social) introvert, but also so I can go to bed long before them and wake without concern that I will disturb anyone. My family jokes that in the winter, when it’s dark in Chicago at 4p, it’s not at all strange to find me under my covers by 8.
This survey brought me back to thinking about these natural patterns of energy. When we feel most alert, alive, focused and in flow. When we are most creative.
I think of my own kids. One leans more into mornings or midday. That’s when I am most likely to hear music coming from his room as he practices or writes originals. Like me, he’s more inclined to get things done in the earlier part of the day, and if has plans later, take a late afternoon nap.
The other two are consummate night-owls. As my energy wanes, I see theirs ramp up. In summer, it takes less than a week for them to consider 1a an “early” bedtime and I have to beseech one of them not to flip his schedule entirely.
But I also do not fight their natural rhythms when I can. It’s hard in a system that expects teens to be up and out the door in the morning – sometimes as early as six or seven am for those who participate in before school activities.
As much as it gives me anxiety, one of my sons thrives off waiting until the last minute before deadlines – he is motivated once the clock is ticking down. This is the polar opposite of me, who prefers to have things turned in well before the time is up.
Combine this with the fact that he’s also the one that would happily switch to sleeping from 5a-3p, it’s hard for me not to climb the walls when he leaves work until the night before, not even really focusing and getting into his groove until after midnight.
Yet, if he is getting it turned in, and doing well, I have had to ask myself is it fair to force him into a construct that keeps him from being in his best energy? When he is able to get things done in creative flow. When he is most efficient?
I realized this really hit home when one winter break I came downstairs at 6a only to find him in the kitchen making breakfast. He laughed at my questioning look and said, “I’m making breakfast and then going to bed. I was writing a song in the basement and lost track of time.”
He had no place to be so I said nothing other than “clean up behind yourself.” He Airdropped the unfinished song to me and when I listened later while making breakfast, I quickly realized, this was a different level of songwriting. He had leveled up. By having the uninterrupted time, in his best energy, the various songwriting skills he had been working on consolidated.
He was in creative flow.
The current set up for his academics does not reward his natural energy patterns. He must spend time fighting against it and is expected to bring his best, even when his brain and body are just not there. It is helpful that his online acting class is based in L.A. – for him the “morning” start time means he can sleep until almost noon before logging in.
Knowing when your tween or teen is in their best energy may be key for creating an environment for them to level up in their creative art.
If you know they prefer mornings, are there ways for you to carve out opportunities to protect this for them? Schedule classes at this time?
If they are night-owls, can you help them balance the needs of a system that expects them to function during daylight hours with opportunities for them to engage in their art at night?
There are so many challenges to work though even when your teen loves their art, allowing them to spend time in their art when they are in their best energetic flow will only serve to help them continue to love and grow in their art – and to traverse obstacles with more ease. By honoring when your teen is most creative, you are deepening their relationship with their art.
And that is affirming both their art and their individuality.
