It’s been a rough week in our house.
Several disappointments hit all at once, making it challenging to focus on the things that are going well. .
When surprising disappointment derails our teen performer’s hopes and dreams, it’s natural to want to somehow fix it. To fight back against what may feel like an injustice. Or counteract bad luck with a special treat. Somehow make the frustration, anger and sadness go away.
As a parent of a teen in the performing arts, we know that disappointment will come with the territory. Failure to make the band. Not getting a coveted part. A moment of nerves sabotaging months of practice.
Disappointment is Inevitable
It’s hard to watch, but important to remember, life will continue to present them with challenges. As we all have said, life is unfair at times. Decisions will be made based on favorites. Insecure people may intentionally undermine others. Pettiness can influence outcomes.
At other times, the disappointments will come simply because that is the ultimate outcome. The most fair outcome will not land in their favor. Unfortunate things such as illness or injury will happen – this time the odds were not in their favor.
It’s important when disappointment finds our teens, we allow them to learn to address those emotions without moving into a victim mentality. Because if we don’t, we are sending a message that we aren’t convinced they have the ability to be resilient. If we don’t quietly hold space for them – instead of rushing in to try to minimize their emotions – it says we are fearful they can’t manage the enormity of the disappointment. Or bounce back from bad decisions. That failure or an unanticipated outcome is insurmountable.
What Do Our Teens Need
Our teens need us to be with them, but not fix things for them in these moments. Giving them the reassurance that they are not alone, but that we also know they have the ability to both manage their emotions and come up with solutions to move past the situation builds resilience. Sitting with our teens in empathy is one of the most powerful things we can do for them, even if it sometimes makes us feel powerless.
Here are five practical steps you can take when their teen is dealing with disappointment that will help them build resilience and problem solving skills:
Validate Their Feelings
Begin by acknowledging and validating your teen’s emotions. Let them know that it’s normal to feel upset, frustrated, angry, confused or any other emotion they may be struggling with. When things don’t go as we planned or hoped, big emotions come with the territory . By validating their feelings, you show them that their emotions are valid and worthy of attention.
Encourage Healthy Expression
Encourage your teen to express their feelings in healthy ways. This might involve talking to a trusted friend or family member, writing in a journal, or engaging in activities that they enjoy. By finding constructive outlets for their emotions, they can better process and cope with disappointment.
Provide Perspective
While it’s important to validate your teen’s feelings, it’s also helpful to provide perspective once they are ready. Having you and other adults who are able to provide different perspectives can provide a roadmap to moving past disappointments. Remind them that setbacks and disappointments are a natural part of life, and that everyone experiences them at some point. Share your own experiences of overcoming adversity to show them that they are capable of resilience.
Empower Problem-Solving
Encourage your teen to take an active role in finding solutions to their disappointment. Help them brainstorm possible strategies and support them as they make decisions about how to move forward. By empowering them to problem-solve, you instill confidence in their ability to overcome challenges.
Lead by Example
As parents, we are our children’s first and most influential role models. Show your teen how to cope with disappointment by modeling healthy coping strategies and resilience in your own life. Let them see that setbacks don’t define you, but rather how you respond to them.
Conclusion
When surprising disappointment derails our teen performer’s hopes and dreams we want to protect them from the emotional fallout. Yet, it is important to remember that experiencing setbacks is a normal part of life. By validating their feelings, encouraging expression, providing perspective, empowering problem-solving, and leading by example, we can help our teens develop the resilience they need to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.
